Every Thanksgiving I stop and reflect on the blessings I am grateful for.
I have so much. The most amazing husband and sweetest child. A place to call home. Friends, true friends, the best friends anyone could ever have. Still with all this, at the end of the day I find myself on my knees pleading to heaven with a heart full of hope.
This Thanksgiving the thing I am the most grateful for is hope. After all, without hope, what would we have?
Everything we celebrate at Thanksgiving is about hope. Think about the Pilgrims, did they not hope for a better life, hope for freedom, hope to make a safe voyage, hope for crops to grow, hope for safety? Indeed the Pilgrims relied on hope.
When I was six years old, my grandmother Elaine gave me a baby doll named Hope for Christmas. She gave me Hope because I hoped for a baby, a sibling. Praying for babies isn't anything new to me. I've been praying for babies my whole life. I have wonderful parents who endured much heartache with infertility. They did everything right by me, but I think the lord left a small empty spot in my heart from beginning and this was part of a plan.
On my seventh Birthday after I opened my gifts, my Dad handed me a card with a balloon stating they were having a baby. I remember running up and down our street saying,"my mom is having a baby, my mom is having a baby." If I had to mark the happiest moment of my life I think this would be it. I was young, I didn't stress or worry, I was just happy.
Christian was born in February and he was perfect. It was shortly after that Matt came along and brought some much needed spunk to our quiet house, Christian is still perfect and Matt is still spunky, always laughing. The empty spot in my heart was filled and life was good.
I think the lord decided since I had to wait so long for siblings I could meet the love of my life early, and so came Justin. As I sit here writing, I can't stop crying thinking about how much I love Justin.
I always told Justin, when we got married I wanted kids right away and a lot of them. So when babies didn't come and miscarriages did, once again the empty spot in my heart was back. And once again this was part of a plan.
After three years of marriage we decided to adopt. When others said to wait and let nature take it's course, we would end up with a full term pregnancy soon enough, we said, "no, it's not soon enough" and we're glad we did. And so came baby Connor.
Somewhere right now is a birthmother named Cheri, hoping she did right by him. She had hopes and dreams for him first. Again, without hope for a better life where would Connor be?
Still every night I prayed and prayed for more babies to come. I didn't care how, biological, foster care, more adoptions, I just wanted Connor to have a sibling. I didn't want to wait another seven years. 2011 proved to be a stressful year at our house and somehow through all of it we ended up sitting with a banker figuring out possibly everything and anything we could finance in order to put in our adoption papers. Somehow things fell into place easily and once again we were signing our names on the doted line with Heart and Soul Adoptions.
It seemed unreal to me. I surely thought Connor would be at least four before we could pull this off again.
Conference weekend we were down at my cousin Rachel's house and she was helping us get some of our adoption papers in order. As we were leaving she told us to try this small family owned burger joint called Shivers on our way home. If you've been there you know there is a train stretched through it where the kids can eat. We ordered our food and Connor loved the train. The booths were filled with children, who were siblings eating together. Connor sat at a booth by himself looking at the children sitting together and kept saying, "friends, friends" my heart broke that my little boy had to sit alone, I know this is silly but still it ached. As fast as the ache came it went away and strong voice inside my heart said, "This is not Connor's trial to endure, he will be sitting with a sibling soon enough." It was a loud clear voice and I knew that after years and years of praying and hoping, it was not in vein.
Indeed Connor will be two and a half this Dec. and we've been matched with another adoption this week. A baby girl who will come the first of Jan.
So again, we are filled with hope. Hope for a successful adoption, hope for a healthy baby. Hope for a Birthmother to find peace.
I've always loved thanksgiving and the more I reflect I realize it is the hopes of others we are grateful for. It is my prayer we can stop and look at those around us this holiday season. How can we help give hope to others? It may be as simple as donating to charity, or calling a friend and wishing them love this Christmas season. Being grateful for what we have, putting a smile on our face and enjoy the blessings we have from the sacrifices others have made. Sacrifices they made because they had hope for something better.
Wishing you all a wonderful Thanksgiving and may God continue to bless you.
